Hell Froze Over?

Tonight at 8 ET, President George W. Patton is having his second prime time press conference since taking office.

He's reportedly going to break news by saying, "if Saddam Hussein does not disarm, with a coalition of the willing, I will disarm Saddam Hussein. I understand there are some who don't believe that Saddam Hussein presents a true risk to the United State and we just have a difference of opinion."

Unnamed White House sources said that the President also planned to tell the American people, "Saddam gassed his own people, he's a cold-blooded dictator."

With respect to al Qaeda, he will publicly reveal that "We've got 'em on the run. We will bring 'em ta justice." But, he is expected to also remind the public, "I told the Murican people they were gonna have ta be patient, an I meant it!"

Reporters will undoubtedly give the president no quarter as they confront him for the first time in the formal East Wing setting since just after September 11th. It is assumed that they will ask such hard hitting questions as:

"Do you feel that exercise is important at times of stress?"

"How much did your heroic experience as a fighter pilot contributed to your understanding of the military planning in Iraq?"

"Do you think that your faith has played a part in your overwhelming popularity among the American people?"

"How does the first lady feel about all this snow?"

"Saddam Hussein is reported to have gassed his own people. How do you feel about that?"

"Is the current planned amount of badly needed tax relief for the hardest working most productive members of society really going to be enough, or do you plan to ease the terrible burden even more, so that this economy will continue to grow as you predicted it would?"

"Now that the United Nations has been proven irrelevant, do you plan to seize its assets and deport the anti-american diplomats who sought to humiliate you and failed?"

"What would you tell average Americans to do when they see a muslim terrorist in their neighborhood?"

"Are you glad that God has chosen you to eradicate evil on this earth?"


It should be exciting. Bush appearing before the public without his cue cards is always suspenseful. But then, he does benefit from the bigotry of low expectations. If he doesn't vomit on somebody, he's already outshown his father.

If you all are praying types, put one in for the washington press corp to grow some journalistic cojones in the next couple of hours. This President only answers wide ranging questions once every 18 months or so. We could be in nuclear winter the next time Karl decides he's in sufficient trouble to require taking the chance that President Pom Pom will break into the "Barney" song and start singing "I love you, you love me" on national television. Let's hope they make the most of it.