There's No Business Like Show Business

Happy Belated New Year, my friends. I've been away travelling the scene, taking the pulse of the American people and now I'm back in the cozy confines of my tribe here in sunny Santa Monica. I have many observations on the primaries, but I fear I will have to swill at least one bottle of Dutch courage before I commit my usual left blogosphere heresy, so it may take a day or two. Or maybe not.

For political junkies like us it's part pain, part thrill, but it’s the big game and if you love politics you’ve got to love presidential election years.

I notice more and more how cynical I’ve become over the past decade or so of bogus impeachments, dubious elections and power mad GOP radicals. I heard the news about Ashcroft recusing himself and my first thought was that it was an obvious delaying tactic. As with the speculation that a scathing 9/11 committee report, in which ”heads will roll” and the Bush administration will be embarrassed and chastised, my reaction is, "Yeah, when monkeys fly."

Republicans control all the levers of power in Washington and there is no way in hell that anything that relies on an official institutional mandate will be allowed to put Bush in anything but a good light in this election year. That’s not to say that the media couldn’t unearth something damaging on its own, but… well, let’s just say that the monkeys will be dodging elephants in the flight path when that day happens. The puerile media kewl kidz will be kept entertained and busy until November with meritless scandals and hilarious GOP manufactured putdowns of the hapless Dems (while Ed Gillespie clutches his Mikimoto pearls and moans dolorously about the barbarity of Democratic "political hate speech.")

I see that John Dean is speculating that Ashcroft’s recusal may mean that somebody has toined states evidence and I imagine that could be true, particularly if some poor low level or midlevel schmuck panicked at the sight of a couple of burly feebies. After all, Karl Rove was overheard screaming (in regards to a disloyal operative) "We will fuck him" in earshot of a reporter who was waiting to see him for an interview, so it’s hard to believe that secretaries, aides, assistant types didn’t see the perps gleefully riverdancing all over the office after they sent their "Luca Brazzi sleeps with the fishes" message via their loyal family bagman, Bob Novak.

So, who knows? But I’ve got a hundred dollar bet going that this investigation will not be concluded before November 2004. These guys control all branches of government and operate above the law in plain sight with no repercussions. They’ll keep the media merrily chasing decades-old rumors of gossip of whispers that say that as a Lt Governor, Howard Dean was once seen using the office telephone for personal use, which while not specifically illegal is nonetheless shockingly improper in its appearance of impropriety.

Meanwhile, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, in his state of the state speech last evening, tells us that being governor is better than being a movie star, an inspiring and noble sentiment that brings to mind such memorable political lines such as “Who am I? Why am I here?” It send shivers down the spine just thinking of the thousands of schoolkids moved to public service this morning.

He sees a bright future for California which just 3 months ago was teetering on the edge of total collapse and in dire need of a man on a white horse (or a cyborg on a black motorcycle) to save it. He has apparently done so. Hip hip hooray. And if any small niggling problems remain, he has found a winning new formula to end the political polarization that has hamstrung our system. He has promised to ignore the craven and ignoble legislature if they do not conform to his wishes. He will take his True Lies Traveling Salvation Show directly to the people! He’ll sign autographs, ham it up for the fans … er, citizens, toss T3 DVD’s and copies of his awesome nude poster into the crowd. He’ll tell them to vote YES on propositions 3004 - 5003 and not to worry their pretty little heads about the details. Just like in the movies, he will save us and everyone will live happily ever after. sigh

Why, my friends ask me, do I think that modern politics (except in times of real extreme crisis) is almost entirely a matter of entertainment product consumer marketing? Why do I persist in my cynical view that with the proliferation of cable "news" entertainment wrestling, people see politics as a reality TV program, a cross between Survivor and American Idol? Why do I look at the current political contest and the media's predictable yet mind numbingly contentless horserace "coverage" and see a general election that is not a grassroots uprising or a patriotic affirmation, but a made-for-TV game show?

It's because that’s what I see and it's not just here in Lala land, but all across this country.

The primaries are about casting the lead in our new political reality show. Many people will be voting for who they want to "watch" over the next four years, the steely-eyed Rocket Man/bumbling airhead or ??????

The Republicans figured this out more than 20 years ago. It’s time we Democrats figured it out, too. Let’s get on with the show. This is it.