Boffo Republican
I think I'm going to have to adopt Mrs David Frum as my personal favorite Huffington blogger if she keeps this up. Today, she follows up with more advice on how to bring Hollywood and Washington together. This time she suggests how Hollywood might entice Washington to be sympathetic by proposing the following:
Briefly, the plot is this: A Mid-Western high school girl (think Lindsay Lohan) discovers that she is pregnant. She is scared and embarrassed—but also, she strongly wants to keep the baby. Now I know what you’re thinking. In every other Hollywood movie of the past three decades in which a girl gets pregnant, she is wisely counseled to seek an abortion by her school guidance counselor, while her father—a lay Evangelical minister, former Klan-member, and crooked car dealer—insists she must carry the baby because that’s what God would want. Eventually the whole story gets caught up in politics, with angry pro-life protestors waving pictures of dead fetuses at the weeping girl, whose cause has been taken up by a brave and kind Democratic congresswoman. This politician is determined to stand up for freedom of choice, because that’s what this country was founded upon. Well, all I can say is that’s not going to be this movie. Our twist: While the girl’s boyfriend supports her decision to keep the baby—he even offers to take a job, finish his diploma by night, and marry her—her environmentalist, anti-war activist father insists she get an abortion. The political fight that ensues takes place between pro-choice groups (think Kirstie Alley in a mumu, screaming through a megaphone) and a brave and kind Republican congresswoman. This politician is determined to stand up for the preservation of life and family values, because that’s what our country was founded upon.
Bravissimo. This woman has her finger on the pulse of Real America. The reason this film is going to be such a big hit is because it's something that young girls and parents everywhere can relate to. This is the story of everygirl --- a story being played out every day in trailer parks and tract homes and apartment houses of real America. Real Americans know that teenage motherhood is always good and should be encouraged. And there is many a 16 or 17 year old young man who would relish the idea of working all day, going to school at night and taking care of an uneducated wife and small infant these days. That's one of those old fashioned family values that never goes out of style. (If only the plot could feature the girl dying in childbirth, we could really re-enact the good old days --- and heighten the pathos and bathos too!)
I do quibble with the anti-war activist father who wants to force his daughter to have an abortion. Isn't that a little bit overdone? Who among us isn't fed up to the gills dealing with this type -- your familiar hippie, tree-hugging, authoritarian, misogynists. Can't we be just a little bit more original here? Send that back for a re-write. Let's make him gay.
Other than that, this movie is perfect. It will encourage girls everywhere to get pregnant so their boyfriends will marry them and they'll live happily ever after and never have to eat tofu or do yoga again. An adolescent dream come true!
Oh, and Kirstie Alley's fat --- so she's perfect for the Democrat because, as we all know, only Democrats are fat. (Well, except for Rush and Tony Blankley, but they have chemical imbalances.) I suggest James Gandolfini as the sociopathic gay dad, and Queen Latifah as the head of the pro-choice street gang. And 18 year old Lindsey Lohan is, as Mrs Frum suggests, perfect for the girl. She is, after all, dating that hot 50 year old Republican, Bruce Willis.
Come to think of it, maybe he could play the dad and the kid could turn out to be his, which would explain why he is so insistent on the abortion, and...and...Kirstie Alley could be a lesbian scientolgist and Queen Latifah could be a man and .... they could all go on Jerry Springer! Now we're talking Real America, baby! Let's Greenlight this thing!
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