"I will be a good American"

All of this happened just a couple of days ago, but already I feel different, like a new person in a new world. I feel mature, realistic, reconciled. I feel less isolated and less anxious. I plan, from now on, to go about things differently and acknowledge the new order.

I will keep my opinions to myself online.
I will keep my opinions to myself when speaking to anyone who goes online or who speaks to anyone who goes online.

I will speak on the phone only to people who keep their opinions to themselves, and hang up on them if they don't.

I will buy nothing online or with a credit card or in a store that keeps electronic records of its sales or in a store that uses security cameras that I am not absolutely proud to own, and absolutely happy for everyone to know I own.

I will pay my taxes to the last penny, and then I will pay a penny more, just to be safe.

I will donate to good causes, conspicuously.


I will donate to both major political parties, conspicuously.

I will, at least once day a day, be it online or on the phone or in the company of someone who goes online or speaks on the phone, condemn our enemies and support our leaders.

I will obey the laws, all the laws, even the dumb ones, even the ones that seem unenforceable, and I will associate only with those who also obey them.

I will smile even when I feel troubled, and when I notice others acting troubled, I will tell them to smile, to get over it.

I will always, when given the option, push Allow.

I will hide nothing.

But I will conceal everything.

I will be a good American.