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Hullabaloo


Friday, November 27, 2015

 
I Won the Thanksgiving debate with my Republican Uncle!

by Spocko

This year I was ready for my Republican Uncle at Thanksgiving.  I had all my facts, talking points and debate strategies prepared. I rehearsed in my head my counter points to his points.

I listened closely as he repeated easily debunked economic theories that came from the 1%. I took mental notes while he talked about school "reform." My zingers and responses to his follow up points on taxes were epic and hilarious.

I had my source articles bookmarked on my phone for referring to guns, refugees, Middle East politics and oil.

But I didn't say anything at first. I let him build his case all afternoon. Then during dinner I got ready to pounce.

I anticipated the aftermath of my epic beat down. I envisioned it something like Emma Stone lipsyncing to DJ Khaled's "All I do is win."


This time I was going to force him to admit that I was right and that he was wrong, and to agree to never again bring up ideas that had been proven failures. I've killed lies before and I'm tired of pretending that reality didn't happen because he didn't like it. But even that wasn't the only reason I wanted to win this year.

I wanted to win because I wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt me. He had disrespected me and my "bleeding-heart liberal" views. Time and time again I was proved right, yet I wasn't allowed to gloat or "rub it in."  Fuck that!

I knew this would be upsetting to my aunt and other uncle, but screw them! They had let him go on with his bullshit with no challenges for DECADES! Why didn't they shut him down or defend my views? Why did have to be "the better man?"

I realized I wanted to punish him for believing this conservative bullshit and also for spreading these sick views, views that were cruel, lacked empathy and had failed time and time again.

Would humiliating him in front of the rest of the family shut him up? I got ready to bring up his all his past hypocrisies and crush him once and for all time.

I could win this year. I had the power. I could show him a direct link from his current problems, the people he had voted for and their horrible ideas. I learned from the right wing, I would show no mercy, give no quarter.

We reached the "what are you grateful for," part of the dinner. He talked about how the 1% strategies weren't working for him (because he wasn't the 1%).  How scary life is with no real safety net. Why support of family was so important to him.

Then I realized I had been set up for this debate by a long line of right wing radio and TV hosts.  People whose job it is to push wedges between families and communities for fun and profit. Their definition of winning is not mine.

I have spent years making these RW talkers who spread division less profitable, something that hurts them.  These were my opponents, not my Republican Uncle. By playing their game, their way, I was following their script--not mine.

Finally the question came to me. "What are you grateful for Spocko?"

"Mrs. Spocko, everyone here and my friends all over the world."

"Now, who is ready for a nice vegan dessert?"

Fade in "All I do is win, win, win no matter what..."