After pulling a probe thermometer from its thigh and tasting a piece of crispy golden-brown skin, Pope Francis began carving a slow-roasted 18-pound cherub for the Vatican’s annual Christmas feast, sources within the Holy See reported Sunday. “The cherub came out perfect this year! Look how tender that cheek meat is,” the pontiff said as he drizzled a generous ladleful of the gravy he had made from the divine pan drippings over several freshly cut slices of white meat, remarking on how moist and flavorful the angel had turned out after being brined overnight in a blood-of-Christ marinade.
“Who wants a wing? I got wings, thighs, you name it. And be sure to grab some host for sopping up the juices. Remember, whatever we don’t finish tonight will make for great sandwiches tomorrow.” Sources confirmed the cherub was the tastiest heavenly being the pope had prepared since last summer’s cookout in St. Peter’s Square, when His Holiness made beer-can seraphim on the grill.
