Ted Cruz after dark

It’s been a minute since Ted Cruz has humiliated himself in a disgusting way (see: white thing on mouth), but my god, was this one ever worth the wait. Around the witching hour of Tuesday morning, when all but a few stalwart tweeters were sound asleep, @tedcruz was discovered to have liked a porn tweet. 

The tweet in question, from the accurately named @SexuallPosts, showed a video (NSFW) that one might describe as “mommy porn” or “low-quality mommy porn.” Cruz’s account un-liked the tweet shortly after this was discovered, and his spokeswoman Catherine Frazier, slightly misunderstanding what had occurred, said “the offensive tweet posted on @tedcruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter.”

Catherine, my pal, @SexuallPosts is just getting started!

Of course, Ted Cruz is an evangelical Christian who once defended a ban on dildos in Texas, has referred to birth control as “abortifacients,” and pulled an ad during the 2016 primary when he discovered one of the actors he’d hired was a softcore porn actress, so this couldn’t have happened to a nicer or more sexually repressed guy. And our old friend Fuckin’ Craig, Cruz’s college roommate, certainly had something to say about this:

Now imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed.

Yes, my misery very much appreciates your company.

— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) September 12, 2017

I do really want to savor this moment, but I, like the rest of the country, am also now imagining Ted Cruz watching porn, which undercuts my enjoyment somewhat.