Changing Our Politics by David Atkins

Changing our politics
by David Atkins ("thereisnospoon")

Your tax dollars at work:

Any hopes that a kinder, gentler bipartisan Washington would surface once Congress returns after Labor Day were summarily dashed on Wednesday when President Obama and Speaker John A. Boehner clashed over, of all things, the date and time of the president’s much-awaited speech to the nation about his proposal to increase jobs and fix the economy. In a surreal volley of letters, each released to the news media as soon as it was sent, Mr. Boehner rejected a request from the president to address a joint session of Congress next Wednesday at 8 p.m. — the same night that a Republican presidential debate is scheduled.

In an extraordinary turn, the House speaker fired back his own letter to the president saying, in a word, no. Might the president be able to reschedule for the following night, Sept. 8?

For several hours, the day turned into a very public game of chicken.

By late Wednesday night, though, the White House issued a statement saying that because Mr. Obama “is focused on the urgent need to create jobs and grow our economy,” he “welcomes the opportunity to address a joint session of Congress on Thursday, Sept. 8...”

Not that the selection of Sept. 8 is free of complications. It is the first night of the N.F.L. season.

So Obama and Boehner were, like, posting stuff on each others' facebook. And Obama was all, I wanna talk with a bunch of you guys about jobs and stuff because we need to get off our duffs and do something or we're gonna lose the apartment. Can you guys come listen and act like you care? And then Boehner was like, no way man, we've got a little party thing we're doing, gonna have some beers with our buddies and make fun of you. Plus we're not gonna be home, dude, we told you that, like, weeks ago. And then Obama was all, oh wait, really? I'm sorry guys. My bad. How's about, like, the next night? And then Boehner and his friends were all, like, sure man, but that's like, the first night of football, so we'll totally be paying attention to whatever it is you wanna jabber about. Seriously dude. ROFL. And then they just started fighting with each other like on Jersey Shore or something.

And it was sooooo awkward. 'Cuz like, everybody could see it, 'cuz it was all public on facebook and stuff, and Obama's been trying so hard to be friends with these guys. They should just totally get together in a room and make it all work out or something. That'd be sure to work, and then we could all just party again like we did in the 90s when everything was cool with everybody. Well, besides that thing where those same guys had girl trouble with that one guy Bill something or other and tried to kick him out. But still, those were some gooood times. 'Cuz this totally sucks.